Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
