sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
