Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
