Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
