dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
