she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
