New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
