babies were throwing up all over the place
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
