You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
