so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
