Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
