Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
