had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
