I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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