I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Randomize
