I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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