Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
