Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.