I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
