this beer tastes like vomit already
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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