Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
