im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
