he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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