He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
