apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
