when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
