dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
