We're facebook friends in real life
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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