My hand turned me down
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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