I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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