the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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