Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
