i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
