And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
