i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
