C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
