i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
