I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
