How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
