who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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