Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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