i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
