Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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