You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
