oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
