Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
