I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
