I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
