Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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