Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
