her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
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I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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