I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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