I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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