I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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