The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
