Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
