Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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