yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
