Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
