Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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