I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
