Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
