Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
