I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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