after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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