i permit you to call me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
