Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i drank out of a bidet.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
