Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
