Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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