if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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