Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
