White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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