Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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