I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
