Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
