rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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