I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
