He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
