At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
